In Terry Pratchett’s “The colour of magic” he has a character called Twoflower, a tourist who travels with a trunk which has hundreds of tiny legs and a mind of its own.

Twoflower is a blithely unaware traveller, ignorant of the terrible dangers he constantly falls into in his search for the most authentic drinking establishment (i.e. the kind normal people avoid because their life depends on it) and most tourist-worthy sights (i.e. the ones local people see everyday and wonder why anyone would pay for the pleasure).

That careless disregard is the perfect attitude for nosying around Ashgabat, Turkmenistan’s overly policed, overly decorated capital.

It is a wonder of 80cm-by-40cm white marble tiles (that being the exact size the now-deceased despot Turkmenbashi decreed all new buildings should be covered in).

Many of the more majestic constructions, such as the President’s Palace with its enormous golden dome (apparently the largest…