Hello and welcome, dear minions.

As I enter into my ninth day of life in Rio, reflecting on my first week, I can safely say that this city can be a savage beast of a nighttime. Ending up at a hooker bar for all-you-can-eat breakfast at 5am three out of my first seven times -not a bad effort-, this city still holds me enthralled.
The nightlife here is incredibly diverse from Barra music, Rio’s six-thousand capacity super-club, for INOX festival featuring David Tort from Spain and six local DJ’s.

Through to Lapa with its samba delights.

Then on to Heavy Duty with their monthly all-you-can-drink night for thirty Reals (around £10).

I have been spat out the other side of this maelstrom with vocal chords as tortured as Kurt Cobain, lungs that sound as sticky as a thirteen-year-old that’s just found lube, and have  shed pounds of sanity and weight. This…