“Don’t go there brah. This is for real. I am warning you I am this close. I am this close to warning you again. I will tear off your ears and warn them so hard it’ll cease to be amusing. Don’t go there.”

People need to calm down. In general. Stress is a killer. It’s probably still more dangerous than sitting. In fact the excess stress created due to worrying about whether or not your comfy office chair might be out to end you has almost certainly increased the likelihood your heart will explode out of sheer terror.

Some things are meant to be stressful; banking, exams, being wrongfully accused of murder, call-centres, customs and excise law, Milton Keynes etc. Other things become stressful through the careful application of personal anxieties to otherwise ordinary occurrences such as bad weather, sitting next to people you don’t know or buying off-brand condoms from a corner…